She Almost Didn't Get Out of the Car

 

Years ago, a client of mine was going through a divorce that had dragged on far longer than it should have. She was still living in the house with her ex — not because she wanted to, but because she had nowhere else to go and no idea how to start over on her own. This is the story of the day she almost didn't get out of the car to look at a house that changed everything. If you've ever had to make a big decision without anyone to run it by first, this one's for you.

Why is starting over alone so much harder than people expect?

She'd been married a long time, long enough that every big decision had always been made with someone else. When the marriage ended, she didn't just lose a partner. She lost the person she'd always talked things through with, at the exact moment she needed to make the biggest decision of her life.

She stayed in the house longer than she wanted to. Her ex had moved on, and it wasn't a comfortable place to be anymore. But leaving meant deciding, alone, for the first time in years. That was its own kind of scary, scarier, in some ways, than staying.

We looked at place after place. Rentals, then a few sales, then back to rentals; she thought a year or two on her own first might help her feel steadier before buying anything permanent. Every time we got close to something, she'd hesitate. Not because the places were wrong. Because choosing, by herself, was still new.

 

Is it okay to rent before buying when you're starting over?

For her, yes, and it's worth considering if you're in a similar spot. Renting first gave her room to get her footing without the weight of a permanent decision on top of everything else she was already carrying. There's no rule that says the next step has to be the biggest one. Sometimes the smaller, reversible choice is exactly what gets you moving again.

How do you know a home is right, even when you're afraid to go inside?

One morning, a small rental came on the market right by the water, and dog-friendly, which mattered because she wasn't going anywhere without her dog. I called her right away. She made an excuse, like she often did back then. So I gave her two and a half hours and told her I'd meet her there anyway.

She almost didn't get out of the car.

I walked her to the end of the driveway and told her to just look down the street. She did, and there was the water. She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and said, "Oh my God." We hadn't even gone inside yet.

"For the first time in years, this decision was entirely hers. And she made it standing at the end of a driveway, looking at the ocean."

She walked in the door of that little cottage and didn't need to see another room. It was small; it had a yard for her gardening, space for her dog, and it was hers to decide on, nobody else's. The move itself was rough; divorces rarely make anything easy. But the next morning, when I called to check on her, she sounded like a different person. Lighter. Steadier. Every time I visited after that, she'd tell me how relaxed she felt there, how it had become exactly the right place for exactly that moment in her life.

If any part of this sounds familiar, you might also relate to What Happens When One Spouse Wants to Move and the Other Doesn't, another story about the moment a decision stops being shared and becomes yours alone.

I've walked this exact road with clients in North Branford, Guilford, and Madison, and every single time, the turning point wasn't the paperwork. It was the moment they let themselves want something for themselves again.

 

 

Kim Dawson is a REALTOR® with Coastal Connecticut Homes, serving the Connecticut Shoreline. A North Branford native, she specializes in helping homeowners 50+ navigate downsizing, relocation, and major life transitions.

Kim Dawson REALTOR® 203.481.4605

If you're facing a big decision on your own for the first time, whatever brought you there, I'm glad to help you think it through. No pressure, no obligation.